![]() Tom made the fatal error that most stressed out high-performing fathers make.That being a parent and a husband often makes you put yourself aside. I told Tom that he was suffering from grief from making a poor choice – the loss being his dream of being a present loving dad had been buried under the weight of a career that he had worked so hard for 20 years to build. He was frustrated that he had created this monstrous career that he felt left him without any outlet to deal with his sense of loss. He had worked 14 hour days for 6 days a week during most of their daughter’s lives. His anger was being fueled by the fact that Tom secretly felt that he had had little or no active role or purpose in his wife and children lives anymore. I took an audit of Tom’s mental state ( find out more about this process here). My reaction to that resistance is to point out how much time money and frustration a mental breakdown, ill-health, or a separation and divorce and custody dispute will cost a father by comparison! So invest in yourself first. All of which are great, but none of which will do anything more than be a temporary escape from a man’s fundamental problems! By the same token, most men will invest in an expensive football season ticket, a new car or technology with giving it a second thought. This reaction is commonly the biggest hurdle that men have to overcome in dealing with fatherhood and emotional challenges. He initially felt angry that he had to ask for help, feeling like he was wasting time and money. I replied to his post privately last January to support him and to share some ideas - and he became a client of mine in the spring. ![]() I had no idea until I read that post that he was dealing with profound issues of anger and pain, realizing that he had been negatively unloading angry thoughts ad reactions onto his wife and three daughters, now aged 6, 10 and 13 years. He seemed to always be out and about on weekends, having exotic holidays and buying new tech and cars. Tom is a C-Level suite executive dad who works for one of the top 1000 law firms in the world, I’ve known him via social media for over 10 years. I could list these all day, but do you get the sad picture? “I’ll get home and sit in the car for about 20 minutes just to collect my thoughts.“I get to work early just for this very thing! And spend about 5-10 minutes doing it before I drive home”.“Yes, I think a lot of us do, some just don't like to admit it”.This post came from out of left field, I was shocked! He received 641 comments from dads in the group, most of which agreed with him and it was clear that those feelings resonated with dads in the group, including replies such as: If you saw Tom’s social profiles and previous posts, and those from other dads in the group you’d believe that most of these guys do not have a worry in the world. Most of the dads in this group are successful entrepreneurs, business leaders, VPs, senior executives and professionals. "Guys, do you ever just sit in your car for 15 minutes just sulking and hearing this angry gorilla inside your head shout at you over and over until you despair, not knowing who you are anymore?" ~ Tom VĪbout a year ago, I saw this post in a dads’ Facebook Group.
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